102 Beats

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Inhale Exhale Inhale Exhale

Imagine there is a ball of light
circling above you.

WAIT.

I am reciting an ending, assuming you know the beginning. And that ending is not even my ending—that’s a neatly, pressed dress-without rips, blood, sweat, or odor.

That is definitely
not
my ending.

So, let me start over, I was told once that if ever feel uncomfortable talking to someone you should ask the individual about her or his self. And, since mental health is at the top of the
uncomfortable pyramid-directly above politics and right below religion and sexuality—

here is my question: How well do you treat yourself? How kind are you to yourself when no one is observing?

Okay, yes-I asked two questions and those questions are technically not easy, introductory inquiries. But, maybe that is the problem here? We are taught that feelings are taboo to discuss, and emotions are messy, displayed only by the weak and immature. But, what if-hear me out, please-mental health was discussed as openly and bluntly as one’s physical health and as easily as the weather or sports?

I can see the eye rolls now, but I must remind you that many topics in history were socially untouchable until someone spoke up then stood up, i.e. civil rights, women’s rights, LGBTQIA rights…

So, I ask again: How well do you treat yourself?

I ask because if compassion drives your self worth then it will direct:

(a) your character
(b) your actions
(c) friend(s)
(d) lover(s)
(e) job(s)
(f) everything you choose to be a part of your life

So, you may be asking yourself, what is 102 Beats and why is this visual artist asking me about myself? Well, 102 Beats is a permanent installation-art speak for art that you can touch and become part of-on a sculpture sanctuary called The Land With No Name, located Southwest of Tucson, Arizona.

It took me almost three years to complete, thousands of hours and dollars, and most importantly-this art piece that is discussing my mental health and many others’ mental health—forced me to acknowledge that

I DID NOT TREAT MYSELF WELL.

I did not love or even like myself, and as a result-I was creating and allowing toxicity into my life. My life did not feel like my life—I was giving it away to anyone who asked or demanded it.

But, as I have yet to tell you my beginning, here it is:

My beginning started with a proud “No!” and started with an even prouder “Yes!”

A yes to myself care, my career, my family, my friends, and opportunities that are good and kind, and no to the latter. It was simultaneously the most difficult, yet the easiest discussion I have ever made.

So, go ahead, ask yourself that one question:

How well do I treat myself?

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