The Envelope

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My mother and I sit on the swing seat in the garden of our family home in Hull, England on a warm summer’s day. There are faint sounds of birds and wind chimes – and the occasional siren - in the background.

The envelope sits on the mantelpiece above what used to be the old fireplace. It is propped up against the wall and nestles behind the clock. It has been there for about 10 years, give or take, and has the names ‘GAIL AND FAY’ written on the front.

Inside are my mother’s wishes on what she would like to happen after her death – music for the funeral, where to put her ashes (next to those of my father at the bottom of the garden), which celebrant to contact to conduct the humanist farewell, bank account details and also the cry of a curlew which she wants to be played as people pay their last respects.

For my sister and me it has become the elephant in the room. We dare not look inside. Its presence unnerves us and it serves as a constant reminder of the inevitable. For my mother, it is an ongoing project (on at least its fourth draft) which brings her immense comfort. From a full existence on this earth, the envelope’s contents contract a life down to a few sheets of paper, a collapse of the years into a future time that will, after her death, expand into a sea of memories for those who knew her.

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